memories

i miss using blogger.

2009-09-13T19:51:00.001+08:00

It has been a long time,

since i last touched blogger.

Excited but a lil sad.

2008-07-03T15:05:00.005+08:00

sorry, i will post much later in the weeks.
My brain is empty as im too excited
but at the same sad due to some friends unable to make it.
just hope it will still be a enjoyable day.
smiles!update about about my bbq when i back.

God, make my birthday,
a day of restorations.

HINTS!

2008-07-02T23:03:00.002+08:00

well, well, well,

guess what my 17th birthday is coming!

alright, i know i sound so excited.

what can i say, i think this year will unforgetable want.

i have so many things in my wish list,

sorry, i know im kind of thick-skinned

but to save my friends from killing too much brain-cells, yah.

firstly, i want all the invited friends to be there.

secondly, i want my friends to be happy that day.

thirdly, all my friendships to be restored.

forthly, time will slow down(just kidding)!

alright, i know i must be serious already luh.

the things i want,

wait, i share with you one of my secret.

actually, i love softtoys alot but just no one seems to give me.

okok, back to serious topic.

i want ehhhhh,

1. A river island men's wallet.

2. A dream-catcher.

3. lots and lots of softtoys(extremely big-size), weeeeee~

thats all, more details as me personally luh.

if you know me really well, you know what im talking about.

winkwinkkkssss~stephie, here you go, the informations you wanted!

happiness

2008-07-01T22:59:00.004+08:00

well, this picture really show how i feel now.

i feel happy as beloved cellgroup is really supporting me(physically &mentally)

&of cause most of my lovely friends are going on that day.

but still i really hope you both can come.

so far, stephie and kevin are helping me

&some other cell members are doing potluck.

well, like what john said.

if everyone start doing potluck,

it will turn out to be a international buffet.

LOLs, its so funny when John said esp. with the expression on his face.

im really excited for now,

wooohoooo, tmr will be going down to places to check out the food.

alright, back to serious stuffs.

went for a wake today,

i was feeling very emotional cause i know how he felt.

i think he needs the cellgroup at this period of time.

God, give him peace in his heart.

77days.

Passion

2008-06-29T00:53:00.003+08:00

i realised i almost lost the dream i had,
the motivation to DRAW, dance and study.
i took so long to grow up mentally.
all along, i thought i was mature however im not.
im really in a stuck-in-the-middle state.
the both dates, 6 &11 july are stuck on my head like,
really stucked.
firstly, i want to benefit for my cellgroup.
secondly, my family members.
thirdly, my friends &me.
i know the decision i have made,
will cause my excitement to disappear.
i do not know why im feeling this way.
sometimes, i ask myself why am i so inconsiderate.
why am i so not understanding bout people's situation.
i want to be happy on that day but i want friends to be happy too.
is it that im too stubborn bout everything must be in my way?
it so hard for me to say anything right now.
i guessed its mood swings again.

Dysthymia

2008-06-26T14:35:00.003+08:00

CAUTION: LONG POST!
(due to some rahhrahhs from me)

wooohooooo~i was feeling good yesterday
after the precious reply i had waited.
my heart like just felt a lingering touch of happiness
&yesh thats how i felt yesterday.
i was still feeling good until,
this irritating teacher irritated me in the early morning!
that human being told me and the other teacher that,
i do not know how to prioritise my subjects!
at that very moment,
i felt like arghh...take her up and slam on the floor.
firstly, the extra class was utra boring.
therefore, i cannot concentrate so i went for art.
secondly, your way of teaching really cannot attract students to learn!
thirdly, i pray hard you will not be the cause of me failing that subject.
for your infor, i hate
&its really hate people keep nagging on something i know what im doing!
i just dont understand why most older teachers have to nagnagnagnag!
most of all will be when the students know exactly what they are doing!
i tell you on those moments i felt like walking to the teachers
&give them a slap on the face and say,
"can you please ask what your students want?"
if you realised, schools like to work in a way that they are always,
plannningplanningplanningplanning
&forget to ask we, the students who actually the one who are studying,
what we want.
however, i didnt voice out due to the respect i have for them.
alright, another thing will be my fake form teacher(F.F.T) calling my dad.
that problem had kept me distracted for the whole day!
Pray hard F.F.T didnt say much about me, God help me!
Right now going to secondary school is such a dread for me...
so i want O's to come in no time, end in no time
&LEAVE that freaking school in no time!
oh yah, suddenly i remember what that irritating teacher said,
which caused me to be so reactively annoyed.
that human being said,
"Getting a distinction for art also cannot bring you anywhere!"
if those friends who know me, ART IS MY LIFE!
oh man, im annoyed right nowwwwwwww!
stupidteacherstupidteacherstupidteacherstupidteacher...
alright, im feeling better.YEAAAAAAAA!(i know its so fake)

rewind back to yesterday,
i was at Clarke Quay when i saw...
Fariah, a long-time-no-see closefriend.
seriously, i was feeling over the moon yesterday evening.
i miss so many friends who i didnt see for a long time
&yesterday i just saw one of many friends.
you know how it feels, you feel good man.
i mean real good luh,
however there are another two friends i miss greatly.
maybe i should book a bbq peak during my birthday,
so my many-friends can come.
Steph said she will bring me to Farmart!
woooooo~i cannot wait for my birthday,
i feel that this coming birthday will be very different.(in a good way)

i was reading up about Dysthymia,
which is a mood disorder that falls within the depression spectrum.
It is considered a chronic depression,
but with less severity than a major depression. .
This disorder tends to be a chronic, long-lasting illness.
and im wondering if thats the illness i suffered for two years plus.
well, i think its stablised already, so friends dont worry.
alright thats the end of my post, update abit later!

God, i pray for restorations.

rita tagged me!

2008-06-24T19:28:00.002+08:00

1.who are you chatting with now?
no one, sadist.

2.what do you want the most now?
get out of secondary school!

3.what i did at 6pm?
well, my friends and i have done cutting the headings.

4.Do you hate your friends sometimes?
well...

5.when do you wish to die?
when God want me to be by His side?

6.Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after rain?
yes.

7.What impossible things you would wish to do?
nothing is impossible.

8.What is your greatest phobia?
Giving up in the middle of the race.

9.Have you broken someone's heart that he/she tried to commit suicide?
nop, maybe in the past?just kidding.

10.What if your crush asked you out?
well, hopefully im not free on that day.

11.When is the last time you fell in love?
nov, 2003.

12.What feeling you hate most?
waiting for a sms, msg or reply.

13.Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
this is worth some reflections.yes, everyone of them.

14.What are you looking forward to in this coming weeks?
muggings and get my freaking art done!

15.Who do you hope to be always there for you?
my loved ones.

16.List words that describle you.
weird?

17.Who do you love most?beside God and family.
Me?and friends.

18.When do you plan to settle down?
10-11 years later.

19.What is your greatest secret?
define secret for me.

20.Tagged people.
ruiliang, jis, ivan,deanne and N284!

misses II

2008-06-24T18:33:00.003+08:00

looking at me from the back,

its kind of weird isnt it?

its like you looking into your past.

people changed, however their past do not change.

im feeling so weird, filled with mixed emotions.

for girls, it have been hard for us to conceal the feelings,

i feel like slapping myself up to face the reality and to be realistic.

it seems im carrying some hopeless hope,

waiting a precious reply for the previous post.

maybe this is life, exactly like what you said.

back to school life, im really really very motivated

but at the same time, stress up by the teachers.

however, its always good to have classmates to joke and destress with.

i dont miss school but just misses my classmates and teachers.

when i decided to seal up your guard-the-heart wall,

i knew that i will not be able break it off anymore.

im sorry, my friend.

misses

2008-06-23T22:13:00.003+08:00

i miss cell, steph, you and you.

when i faced my computer and the webcam,

it brought me many wonderful memories.

i used to really think if only time can stop at that very moment,

however now is very different.

we have our very own life.

i was trapped in my own mistakes then as i knew i have done something,

something that will change everything forever.

Seeing you living your life well,

it is good enough, really its good enough.

many times, i tried to take the courage to contact you again

but i always back out.

aint i a coward friend?to be honest, im.

dont worry, i have moved on but just misses you at times.

if you read this, i really hope you will contact me.

i really want know how are you doing, are you coping well in school...

God, give me peace in the heart.

A new breathe of fresh

2008-06-19T22:57:00.003+08:00

well, i feeelinggggg all good already!

thanks to Stephie.

you can see she is always the one who save me from a 'river'.

yeap, she is my beloved.

blahblahblahblahblah, just watch ANTM.

the girls and their makeover, super funny.

poor ego bianca had her hair all gone, opps.

however, she make a comeback in her photoshoots.

well, i think i have to be more stronger this time like her.

Be someone who is accountable to people.

oh man, im so dead. tmr, 830 in the morning.

but still im not going to sleep yet. DARN!

im having my blues again

2008-06-19T17:14:00.004+08:00

im thinking, what if i know it earlier.

what if im willing to step out,

what if im willing to give up and go all the way?

most probably, i will not have such a pressure on me.

God, im always thinking why do people have a unbalance.

Unbalance as in many things,

when people can be really be freaky

&becomes pressuring to someone else.

i was not feeling very good yesterday as...

i knew i did not step up in faith but only hesitations.

i will not dare to give any excuses but

i really felt an atmosphere of pressure and not faith.

God, give me that grace You want me to have,

give me the faith You want me to own.

i just hope everyone just stop giving me pressure,

as i do not want to go through that horrible period again.

im trying to learn how to talk, react, see and hear,

yet 'people' try to put me down which i dont understand why!

when these symptons start showing up again, i just pray and rebuke it.

i want to be teachable, spiritually more mature &do His will.

but i really pray you all will give me some time to be build my self-esteem again.

seriously i need time, all i need is time.

i question myself once again,

am i so vulnerable?

God, stand with me like no one do.

BOREDOM!

2008-06-18T18:01:00.002+08:00

the people in my msn list are just like strangers.

we dont talk to each other unless you take the first step.

im so bored because most of chatterboxes are not online,

a few minutes before leaving home,

my brother came home and straight away wanted to quarrel with me.

he is just another irritating fart,

i hope he is just an ant so i can crush him.

Still my dad is the best.

Stephie and i will be eating dinner at central,

wondering what to eat later on.

alright, im so bored!shessssshhhhhhH~

Purposly

2008-06-18T15:36:00.002+08:00

(not edited)
i know this picture is eye-catching so i put it up.
anyway, today is just like another any other day.
Hate it when my days are actually spent this way,
looking at the books.
all i can do was to stare as nothing go up in the head,
but there are inspirations gushing through my head.
however, im just too lazy to push myself to draw it out.
i think im so dead as i have not start my art on the canvas,
last min work again but it always turn out to be prettier than starting early.
i realised im so addicted to reggae songs,
they just sound so different from the other genres.
looking at the bright side, i will be having bible study later on.
if only i do not have the rehearsal, i will be able to go for prayer meeting!
stupid rehearsal!stupid rehearsal!stupid rehearsal!
alright, i was sleeping my day off as i slept at 4 in the morning!
i was talking to a human being who love sleeping early in the morning,
this human being enjoy eating alot toooooo but is not John.
im so hungry right now, oh man.
i shall continue my post on bible study when i get back.
bye beautiful people.

God, make my everyday fruitful!

craziness

2008-06-17T19:32:00.005+08:00

(not edited)
sometimes, people just do not like doing something they are suppose to do
but instead doing something that was not suppose to.
i guess human kind just enjoy doing something against the nature,
i think these people need some 'applauses' being so 'daring' outside this world.
i believe being wise is just not in the head but also the heart,
allowing a balance wise-ness in the head and heart so to prevent mistakes.
Like people always say, its better to be safe than sorry.
Partly, you are guarding your heart but also preventing yourself
from getting unnecessary scars on you emotionally and mentally.
However, the world is always taking these risks.
What a weird mentality!
im still wondering if im human as i dont enjoy take such risks.
the set of one's mind &motive can be so scary!
alright, back to my life.
went to city hall with james and steph for the past two days,
it was very fun and fruitful outing i think.
i have came to notice that James is so 'irritating'!
well, i supposed that is quoted from Steph as she love saying that word
&im addicted to that word tooooooo!
James have a new 'Wife', she sounds pretty good.
oh man, im aiming a new wallet at RIVER ISLAND!
i think it looks pefectly pretty but Steph asked this,
"why you want to choose a man's wallet?"
ahahaha, man's stuffs are looking better than the lady's want.
i just love the both of them!

God, show me Your beloved kingdom.

Using the mirror to look at the world.

2008-06-12T12:25:00.003+08:00

The passion i used to have for blog isnt there anymore.

is it good or bad?both i guess.

sometimes loosing contacts with the cuberworld is good.

meditations, peace, reflections and redeciding on what i really need to do.

it seems that sometimes people need time to get over some stuffs,including me.

the minute i see how happy you all are, i knew my decision was a correct one.

Asking God some many times if i have did the correct thing,

He is always saying that,

"Don't worry, it may not be correct but it may be right. "

yesh, my God is a very humourous God.

i will not say it is a scar in my heart

but i believe it will always be a tattoo in heart.

Now, my life is getting so...interesting.

Being in a connect group which is full of passion is very important,

i have been influenced to study harder

but at the same time serving with Full passion.

Looking at steph how much she serve the cell and ministry,

i really feel that i have to do something about my ministry and rising up in cell.

Feeling burden and doing something about what you are burden for is

just totally a different thing.

Meitong and Peixuan are people just so passionate for the kingdom of God.

i realised im looking for friends who are really running the race with me.

it is so important when friends are in the kingdom of God,

they are the ones who will encourage you spiritually &emotionally

when you are discouraged.

maybe, we dont talk for the moment is the best thing for us.

alright, later on gathering with cellgroup &meet stephie earlier at clarke quay.

God, You're wonderful.

my works

2008-06-05T22:11:00.005+08:00

well, from these picture you will know im just too free.

of cause not!im just busy meditating some stuffs.

these pictures when i went to WWW &the beach with the girls,

they are edited by me! so please dont rip!

just kidding, anyway im doing fine so far.

i learned some words, love, appreciation, patience,

control, sacrifice &save.

there are meaning in these words, lots of meaningss...

God, You know all things.

Flames to dust

2008-05-29T08:47:00.003+08:00

Marie Digby is really a good singer.
i think i want her album,

im very impressed her vocal &looks.

i guess she is one of the almost perfect girl i ever saw.

anyway, back to my life.

it is pretty cool as Mr quek came back to school

&gave me some precious advises for art.

he is always saving me from art lethargic-ness.

bible study is always good, of cause.

humans, did you ever realised that someone who you once love &hate is actually,

someone you miss the most?

yes, i do realised.

some many things &time have passed, how much all of us have grown.

it is so amazing when you look back in your blog, photos

&even your diaries you actually did some stupid but funny stuffs.

friends you met in life, they just come &go but some will eventually leave footsteps

in your hearts.do you agree?

alright, im so in love with one of her songs.

ever since the China's earthquake, i have learned to cherish my loved onces.

i fear that one day, God will take them to be with Him again,

but i know heaven will be a beautiful &amazing place to stay.

i want to buy the Body sketching book!

God, You're just amazing.

lambretta, anyone?

2008-05-27T23:25:00.003+08:00

both is extremely pretty!

freak, i want to get my hands on one of them!

i think i dont want super bike alr,

a lambretta is more suitable for me.
i shall admit that im short thats why its safer for me to drive that,
as in lower chances of meeting accidents.
doesnt it look handsome?

what should i named it when i get one?
boyfriend?browny?whatever, its too early to think.
yes, i want a brown or a white one only.
hopefully, i will pass my driving lesson straight away for the first time.
im so excited all over again,
i want a lambretta!

the Cheena girl!

2008-05-27T22:57:00.004+08:00

alright, i think this girl here is quite 'popular' in youtube.
i think she is enjoying so much so that it had last for 4 mins.
people are like scolding her for nuts &it was so funny for some.
i know i should not say so much before people start scolding me too.

I just she will reply my email.

2008-05-27T19:09:00.005+08:00

for a moment, im lost of words,
inspirations are just not flowing through my brains.

thats my greatest fear for my O's art,

just hope that Lara Jade will reply my email.

Well, i guess you must be thinking im nuts or what right,
but let me tell you im dead serious.

im still trying to contact her for my O's
&her works have inspired me.
i know i have to do something that will link to me,
dont say im self-centered as i know what im doing.
its so hard especially teachers are not giving me pressures,

im just a weird person who needed to be pushed.

im feeling irritated right now,
dont ask me why cause i do not know too.
20 mins have passed, but still i cannot think of anything.DAMN!
now its 800, i still cannot get anything out of my head.
tmr will be english extra lessons till 0130hrs,
i think im going take a pillow to sleep.
i cant wait to leave that freaking freaking school!

God, i know You're the cool one.

Guess what!

2008-05-25T14:04:00.003+08:00

hey people, im doing fine just a lil anxious for O's MT.
yesterday's service was very special,
im wondering why is it so.
i guess its because He put a whole new excitement in my life.
its so amazing when i decided to set on something,
im so committed to fulfil it.
Most of all, from people's mistakes i learned not to make anyone of them.
at the same time, it is so scary.wait i should say challenging, especially
when committment wants you to step out &do something greater.
alright, im so broke i feel like killing myself as GSS is here!
anyway, im so affected by the disasters that are happening these days.
the China earthquake &myammar's cyclone were such misfortune for the people.
i think it is incidents that people will never forget,
however, it have bringing countries together too.
once again, i feel &i feel for the world again.
anyway, im so addicted to youtube these few days.
promised when i have more time, i will update a better post.

God, thank you.

Its HOLIDAY!

2008-05-23T16:32:00.002+08:00

its june holidays again,

so guess what i have to get my O's art done.

the 'best' part will be extraextra lessons.

it is killer, i hate it when i have to get up early in the morning just for that.

alright, the same own sentence,"its only a few more months."

Meitong is in overseas, all of the sudden i misses her.

i want to do so many things after O's, seriously.

With stephie, who wants to do somethings tooo,

im more excited than ever.

let me think im skipping this post &bye people...

SCREWED?!

2008-05-23T00:21:00.004+08:00

thank God, he won!
look at his charming eyes, awwwww~
thats the reason why ladies like him
&girls die for him-.-right~

actually, this blog is not dead.
i think i will post more often during the holidays.
well, i do not know what to write seriously.
alright, im tanned; lame-nesssss...
so many words i want to say
but so little freedom of speech.
unable to express how i feel was my all time problem.
blogger is still driving people like me crazy,
for some reasons i want to delete what i have written.
steph is nice.she knows why i said so do ruiliang.
blahsss, i have nothing else to say.

MIA

2008-05-06T08:29:00.002+08:00

alright, im offically away from my blog to do something else
so people miss me.just kidding!
ciaosss!

im going through all over again

2008-04-28T21:29:00.004+08:00

i find myself trapped by a self-created cage.
so much so i wanted to say hi, i didnt
as i know i did you wrong but still i...
all i know i need to leave to get some space from the awkwardness.
i left &i realised there is great sorrow in me.
the cut gets deeper &it seems to have some difficulties to heal.
i know there is more people have greater problems than me,
however, i cannot help it but to feel left out &forgotten.
as much as i know, i cannot depend on people's love
but for now i need it so urgently yet i saw nothing,
only my own shadow in the dark.
the devil seems to be happy these days,
sleepless nights start &i start to fade.
i thought it had recovered but i was wrong, it got worst like never before.
i tried to talk to humans but it seems they do not understand,
what i can do is to type it down.
hopefully, God will read it &help me in my darkest moments.
God, if You read this, help me just help me from all these.
telling people to cheer up is easy but it was never easy for my own,
wearing a mask has been easier for me.
eveything that friends are talking are just not connecting with me,
everything seems putting me down, so seriously.
i miss me, seriously, where have i been to?is me lost somewhere else?
im too tired, can i stop for awhile before i continue my life?
this post seems so long to me, but it was actually just half the page.

my beloved friend, i miss you.
i wanted to know more about your life
but....
God, i just pray so hard.

i have alot of works ahead

2008-04-21T21:41:00.003+08:00

the sky is blue, the balloon is red &the girl is jumping!

alright, my mood is alright for now at least.

going out with cellgroup really make me happier

as before that i knew i screwed up the freaking english oral.

whatever, what is done is done.

alright, now im feeling so much smaller as

im 17 this year &a 18years old lady had done so much more than me.

i think i have to bug up to do something good &great,

motivated, yesh im very motivated.

maybe in the future i will be showing my photography works

but not now as i know im still lousy at it.

practice makes perfect, &im a perfectionist.

i want to get a straw box, picnic bag, a brazer

&my NIKON!shucks i just want it so badly!

i think i want to be a art tuition teacher very soon.

i must get the camera by end of this year,

God will You just bless me some money?

alright im just kidding, smiles.

God, build my self-esteem.

INSOMNIA

2008-04-17T23:31:00.004+08:00

nah, i dont face that problem but just that i cannot sleep.

seriously i dont feel like having tuition with my beloved Mrs tay

but i have to go as examinations are coming.

let me now is 1134pm, i wonder what time will i feel tired &sleep.

everyone is mugging for exams

&me just fulfilling the studies hours which is 20 hrs.

i think Mariah Carey is really a great singer,

her voice is just amazing.

im waitingwaitingwaiting to be tired physically.

God, thank You.

i think Lara Jade is cool

2008-04-17T16:17:00.005+08:00

well, im getting so in love with the photographs that

Lara Jade has taken.

partly is because it seems connecting to me

&the photographs are filled with emotions.

so much so i want to learn photograpy

i know i have to focus on my designings.

for now, i have to take photography as a hobby

& focus my stupid O levels.

maybe i will miss secondary school somedays in the future.

let me tell you honestly,

im like pausing every now &then thoughout this post.

i think im feeling shit these days,

however, the encouraging whispers are just sounding when im down.

i hate it when i failed to trust people around,

i cannot change the facts that people is always changing

&i see people come &gone like no one cares.

i admit that my physical flesh has so many scars,

scars that are not neccessary as i observed too much

or self created by me, my very own mind.

i know having friends are nice but i still prefer alone

as i experienced &learned more about humans during the "alone" times.

dont you think im sounding crazier &crazier?

there is always a wall between me &other man-kinds.

For the 21st century, people is talking with knife poking into your hearts

&without feeling sorry about it as its just too common for one to realise.

People don't go for the negative ways but the positive ones,

i dont enjoy seeing people hurting each others with words,

just the words i think it kills one person's soul.

what i just say can be very subjective as some will say,

"why do you take so seriously, its just joke what!"

yes, it just a joke to you but it is a joke to others?

sometimes, i listen how people talk to each other,

im really impressed how they can be so sacastic with each other.

mankind thought they are really great thinkers

but actually they talked like fools without brains.

God, forgive me for im still using a mask.

God, teach me how take off that mask of mine.

emotions overwhelming

2008-04-16T23:09:00.004+08:00

i think BS was just another good encounter with Holy Spirit.

the whispers are clear like never before,"you will be alright."

i know whats struggling inside of me, insecurity.

everything going to do with two words, love &friendships,

all i can tell you i sucked at both.

well, nothing much i can explain unless you know me pretty well.

mother did not done a great job being a mom,

so i would look for friends to get the love &concern

but it seems so hard, too hard as that world is so scary.

one minute you are this person's goodfriend &next you arent.

alright, when im always at this topic, i feel so tired , very tired.

i guess i should stop talking that then

as i might suddenly feel water rolling down my cheeks.

too bad, it rolled down like no one's businesss.

it sucks when you know that no one seems enjoy talking to you,

it sucks when you know that people have bad motives when talking to you,

it sucks when all of your friends seem distant away from you,

it sucks when your closest friend seems to busy for you,

it sucks when you know you are very sensitive yourself.

thats how im feeling right now &yes it sucks to the very core.

i kept quiet,so quiet just to observe.

im scared, very scared being in this world.

He whispered to me again,"i will be there for you, always"

i thought im lost

2008-04-16T13:58:00.004+08:00

im missing Mrs Joan Yang!

some lousy woman seems that she is having difficulties hanlding,

my class &yesh we do not seems to be listening to her.

oh man, i just miss Mrs Yang so much.

alright, im so addicted to the shuffling videos in Youtube.

oh man, Mark left for taiwan alr, wish him all the best.

anyway, school did not have much happened or...

maybe have but i just cannot be bothered.

sometimes the school is just chaotic but im always the last one to know.

what do i do?i sleep.

well, im meeting RL later, steph is having CIP thats why.

oh right, im thinking if i should buy the faded denim shorts.

time! i have get ready to meet RL alr.

i got a feeling i will be late again.SHUCK!

updated when im back from BS.

God, bless me.

It was more than just the winning

2008-04-15T20:07:00.003+08:00

captain's ball competition was this afternoon.

but what can i say, we lost.

Maybe the confidence had overtaken us,

im feeling all sad but i know nothing i can do.

oh well, it was just a game afterall,

at least the boys are doing great in both games so

i hope they get champs this year.

im not feeling right, good or happy,

thats weird as i knew i was alright awhile ago.

am i denying my feelings again?

whatever, i must be happyhappyhappyhappy.

smiles, vann smile!
it seems that im not smiling &feeling not right.

i guess losing the match is still floating in my mind.

give me a hour to eat dinner first cause im physically hungry.

im back &now is 9.06pm.

i have not bath since im back from school

&i have not eaten my fruits,

im feeling wrong &nothing seems right to me.

God, if you heard my prayers,

can You help me to smile?

people seems to pass by me like nothing is happening.

maybe they know me so well that they ignored me,

they seem to get so annoyed when they know i get all emotional.

i start hearing voices saying,

"here she goes again, so emotional for what!"

"can you stop it?you are getting on my nerves!"

are these caused by stress?i do not know.

or am i making all these up just so that people will care?i do not know.

it seems it is overtaking again.

God, You there?are You there?i need help right here.

God, lift me up when i had fallen,

in the darkest valley.

potatoes!

2008-04-14T15:36:00.003+08:00

smilessmilessmilesmilesmilesmilesmilessssss
well, my mood is alright today
&guess what i didnt sleep much in class today.
alright, i know thats still a bad news.
anyway, nothing much i can say for school today,
days towards O levels are getting shorter &shorter.
i know i should be studying but somehow,
my com is a distraction &television is also one of them.
im getting so very bored thesedays,
i think i must really get that stupid D40X soon to take more cool pictures.
camerascamerascamerascameras, if only you can drop down from the sky.
alright, i know im dreaming.
i gotta really save, i mean it alright.
im hungry, so very hungry!
will anyone want to cook for me?
nevermind, i shall cook myself some food.
should i eat some potatoes?

God, i want a life filled with love.

if only i can stay awhile longer...

2008-04-13T18:22:00.006+08:00

HELLO HUMANBEINGS!
im seriously crazy over this bowl of laksa,
it tasted so nice that you will want to have manymany bowls
&of cause it will not be as spicy as it looks
as i had added extraextra chilli to my bowl.
my dad &aunt brought me to somewhere(ask me if you want to know!)
to eat the nasi lemak, o-tahs &of cause the laksa
&the place is just incredibly amazing as it do not looked like Singapore.
alright, i think i will let the pictures do some talking.
thats the store, i guessed some of you will know.

thats the food i have sinfully eaten.

take a closer look, it looked so very delicious is it?

thats all for the food, now the wonderful places i have passed by.
pretty like that black building as its nicely decorated.

Astons has the best western food &its cheap too!

thats the two buildings i have taken.
sorry as shortage of memory in my phone.
anyone want to buy me the D40X?just kidding.
well, passed by a pet shop & look at those cute animals.

the rabbits are just so innocence looking!

&final destination was...(guess this place, yourself!)

alright, thats my sunday.
did you all enjoyed your weekends?
i hope you did!
as for saturday, i enjoyed the service
as i felt Him tugging me once again to do better in the walk with Him.
&right, Pst.Kong has became darker, toner body too.
oh no, i did not focus on him but just that he preaching so yah.
Cellgrp went to T3 &ate the BBQ chicken set meal
&left T3 with packets of chocolates.
Joked in the train &James is really funny on the way home.
well oh well, my weekends is cool.
tmr is another new start to school!

God, teach me how to have a greater Love for others.

everything seems fine already

2008-04-11T23:38:00.003+08:00

pulling myself out of the lowest peak was never my strongest,

sooooo God is always there to lift me up.

One word, just one word which is...precious

&i know nothing else matters anymore.

He first love me.

it seems that everything is going back to square one

2008-04-11T15:05:00.004+08:00

the fear arise once again, i feel so confused.
im starting to withdraw again,
tears flow down my face
& insecurity filled the atmosphere.
i realised im all sensitive, too sensitive?
i do not know how do i feel right now.
God is saying that everything will be alright
but nothing seems to get into that stupid dumb brain of mine.
trying so hard to be someone nicer, understanding, happy, sweet
but it was too hard, too hard.
thats not me, not the girl i once know.
i look at myself &question myself who is me in this mirror?
"bob-cut hair, girly shirt, long eyelashes &high heels,
i do not know who is she."
i thought i can live normally but i cant, i failed when im trying.
All of a sudden, balancing my emotions seems so hard.
i felt something whispering to me,
"you're too possessive, sensitive &self-centered!"
is that me talking to me?
such small thing but it affects me so much.
SHUDD UP, stupid girl!

God, help me &save me.

when everything is back to basic

2008-04-10T20:30:00.004+08:00

well, i know the title is very familiar

but this time is a very different meaning.

telling myself not to think too much,

its pretty hard when im already used it long ago.

i remember one of my friend said,

thinking will kill more brain cells only &i think its kind of true.

American idols is getting more challenging

but it American Idols gives back, i want to catch it at 10pm.

sometimes, i wonder what if i didnt go to church.

most likely i will not be successfully went to sec 5

&i will be so different from the present

i know He planned all these, He is indeed a interesting God.

people get all weirdd when suddenly im talking My God in my posts,

i dont think its freaky or what.

alright, imagine you are talking about your loved onces

thats how i feel when im talking about Him.

He played a extremely big role in my Life so its called a relationship.

so much so i want to know how my God looks like, i still believe in Him.

Arts' mid-year papers are here &i have rushed some works for it.

i know i cannot skip it as it will help in my O's arts &the portfolio to Lasalle.

30 mins later, im back from my bath &i feel so good!

someone just woke from a sound sleep &got the lost wallet back.

miracles do happen so must be positive thats what my friend told me.

think of it, my friend's tone is kind of funny so yeah.

i miss those days when it was raining all day, non-stop

as it feels so good looking at the rain pouring down like no one's business.

my class, 5N3 make it for the top in the inter-class soccer.The guys rock to the core!

next week will be the girls' showdown, captain's ball.

i need to brush up the skills for soccer &its really interesting.

&yes, i love playing soccer so far.

God, Your love is enough for all.

studiesstudiestudies

2008-04-08T21:16:00.004+08:00

many things fade, my feelings for studying especially.

but for the sake of my God,

studying is the most i can honor Him right now.

maths, sciences are just driving me crazy

so im dreaming if there is only Arts &Combined Humans,

that will be super cool for me.

Life is just not that perfect after all,

sometimes i just like dreaming what is like doing plainly Arts.

i know i might get bored when im overdoing it

but the chance is kind of low so im taking the risk.

being procrastinator is just seems like the human nature.

alright, my O level will be coming out real soon

&i hope it will be something i expected.

the name of my piece is, "My wedding photos".

hopefully will get me an A1.

anyway, steph is sick so i have to keep her in prayers.

i made a new friend recently, she is really one strong girl.

alright, i found some cool band in myspace &they really can sing well.

well, im just thinking what can i do so i can be richer.

oh well, i want to do some many things by this year.

i want to get a cross tattoo at my neck,

i want to highlight my hair, i want to get a Nikok D40X

&nothing more i can think of.

its quite irritating when some friends you have,

is not replying your freaking messages.

pretty girls with some really pretty photos.

Oh God, give people who need your strength right now.

2008-04-03T16:44:00.004+08:00

this lady here is surely someone i respect.
she is a amazing &successful country singer.
alright, im stucked of what to say,
oh yesh, yesterday's bible study.
its cool &learn to spend slience time with Holy Spirit.
He is a person &He do feel like how we normally feels.
i realised, Love can cover all mistakes
&forgiveness is the greatest thing a human could do.
i know sometimes when readers start reading all these,
will get bored &yeah real bored.
but i wonder if anyone is curious about it?
alright, in school.
teachers are all nagging about O levels is approaching
&all of us are still......well, slacking.
Two sec 5 classes are mostly do not have the sense of urgency,
we are just not serious about examinations at times.
alright, im just thinking what to do after my O's.
should i work as relief teacher?maybe i should.
anyway, im thinking if i should activate my comments counter.
alright, why am i questioning so many questions today
&in the end im answering all by myself.
alright, i think my posts will be quite boring for a few months
&WALA~it will be filled with exciting stuffs happening during the holidays.
i know you all hate longlonglong posts so i will stop here.
sometimes catching up with old friends are good.

God, nothing much i can ask for
cause You are good enough.

2008-04-02T14:17:00.003+08:00

indeed, we have all grown up.
sorry that my school is boring nowadays,
all we do is studystudystudystudystudy.
i promised posts will be more excited after my secondary life.
its humourous when people like to think that,
life will be better in the future when they are not even working hard presently.
i remember i used to think life is too long but now,
life's short &you will never when God decided to ask you to be with Him.
i wonder why do some youngsters think their lifes suck,
when some other people are suffering poverty, disability &aging problems.
to be honest, i was one of the youngsters but seeing people who suffers more than me,
im not anywhere near their sufferings.
serving in Dialect Church allow me to know so much more,
the elderly have so much passion &fire for God &life.
what if one day, God say you can start your life all over again?
what will all of you think of doing?
some friends will want to live the simplesimple life,
some will want to grow up with a sliver spoon &some will want to live the same life again.
im someone who will live the same life again,
going through the same experiences i encountered,
meet &know my God all over again
&have the same family members.
silly?i dont think so as i think my life is interesting enough to live again.
i will choose back all the friends i have now or in the past.
when everything start to fade away, then i realised life is short.
i believe one day when i looked back my life,
im thankful to know so many angels guiding me.
for some friends i have neglected,
i want to apologise for being so distant from you all
sometimes, my sensitive nature need some time to think &settle down.
i think at times i need to bury myself with sand to just realise some things
&protect my wounded mind.
things get so complicated but at the same time simple.
contridicting eh, thats how reality is.
after being so long-winded, thankyou angels.
alright, i know i should stop to prepare myself for bible study
&meet lovely steph.
here is one specially for my class,
5N3 is the greatest motivation in my secondary life.

God, thank You for everyday You give me.

2008-04-01T15:09:00.004+08:00

im so hungry nowadays.
anyway, im a new nuffnanger!
alright, why am i so excited?
to be honest, im broke so i join this organisation
&of cause i want to get to know more peeps.
i wonder how can i increase the rate of people reading my blog,
or should just stay to who i am &blog what i always blog.
alright, i know what i should i do &its keeping me.
i remember my friends like to ask me why do i think so much,
why do i reflect on myself so much,
actually the reason being is that im just someone who thinks.
im just someone who loves to think so much,
however sometimes peers will say im over-thinking &its quite true.
actually one thing i want to do is tattooing but school is stopping me from doing so,
its alright as 6 more months i will be free!
hmmmm, i think i should stop here as im super hungry.
should i eat instant noodles?

God, Thank You.

2008-03-31T14:32:00.002+08:00

HELLO!how is everyone?
well, today is the start of school once again.
by now, most of my teachers are already on leaves
so we are like rotting in class with the dont-know-what relive teachers.
im actually supposed to do my compo &some other homeworks
but im like so distracted by my blog &stuffs.
i realised im lousy at multi-taskings in the com.
let talk about photoshopping my pictures.
well, nowadays i dont really photoshop it as im lazy,
im just adding my blogsite so yah.
i went to Dialect Church to serve
&the atmosphere they have in the service is different.
it is filled with love &joy,my tears just flow down my cheeks
&i felt His presences.
there is so much for me to learn from the staffs there
&yes i know im taken care by my ministry supervisors.
they are like the angels who shines &guides.
im quite happy that im in the ministry,
the elderly are actually older people who most normal people will less serve.
all of them are just older people but also unique.
i want to start from the very bottom of serving,
i believe He is very glad with what im doing.
anyway, im quite stressed the moment i see classmates are hardworking.
Oh MAN! i think i have to bug up &study.
i wonder how many times did i repeat that word.
oh yes, Trent Williams is really a good singer
but dont think any of you know him so yah.

God, Thank You.

2008-03-28T10:20:00.002+08:00

i do not what to say seriously.
alright, yesh yesterday's outing was cool
&managed to buy a cake for Yokepeng to celebrate the early birthday for her.
now im just wondering if i should another cake for her today,
maybe i should really do that eh.
to be serious, today im not in my best mood due some stuffs in life.
there is a sudden feeling i had which is awkward-ness.
it seems the atmosphere is so weird &so awkward,
i wonder if that is self-created or by people.
i realised why am i depressed for such a long time,
what was the cause of the depression i had.
i regret but regret not listening to God in the first place
&that such things will not happened.
i was just too stubborn &too dumb, young &naive?no.
im just plain head-strong &silly to believe in such shallow-ness.
it has become such a distraction in my life
&i feel so tormented by all these.Move on please.
going out with steph was just very different,
she is always teaching me &yesh i learned so much things.
im no longer that over-emotional freak
but a girl who know whats clearly right &wrong.
drawing the line mentally &physically.
i guess being in a ministry gives you life knowlegdes,
drama ministry sure is unique.
alright, someone is makeing noise that im writting essays.
i love typing so its not my fault.
i cant wait for later on pizza's party!

God, teach me &guide me please.

2008-03-26T15:32:00.003+08:00

this is Asus Lamborgini VX2S,
i think this is cool &pretty
so i have decided to get one of this next year.
shuddup, i thinking for the future alright!

2008-03-26T13:59:00.002+08:00

jumpjumpjumpjump~
im wondering what is that girl doing on the sofa.
well, today is first day of e-learning &it sucks.

there are like a ton of homeworks waiting for me to finish.
im bored &rotting at home.

alright, peixuan is so very funny during the video-camming.
funnyfacesfunnyfacesfunnyfacesfunnyfaces!
im seriously quite hungry now, should i eat the cakes in the fridge?

i cannot take, i should just eat right.

im so lazy to do the homeworkssssss, shuckssssss!
i want to buy wedgeswedgeswedgeswedgeswedgeswedges!
yummyyummmy, the cake is so nice!
well, my post is getting real boring so here i will end.

dont blame me if i do not talk to you.
God, i love You.

2008-03-25T15:00:00.003+08:00

when i look though these,
i was not feeling very good
yet im not tearing

well, i do not know how i feel now actually.
should i feel happy, sad or emotionless?
looking &reading though some notes i found make me think.
i realised it is very hard to find friends that are good these days,
actually i mean by to meet good people who sincerely cares.
although i know that im very blessed as i met my very bestfriend already.
however, there are still goodfriends who left my life
&became just a hi-bye friend.
it is quite sad when actually most of them i called only by a title.
My standards of a closefriend is like,
a secondary student wanting to buy a bungalow by his own.
im very particular with trust &commitment in a friendship.
Being a friend of mine is so easy but a true friend takes years.
i guess everything starts with the word, love.
i know i sounds selfish as there are a increased in "I" in this post.
anyway, nothing much happened in school just that,
Mrs Joan Yang called the boys to keep the classroom clean
&she is going on leave soon.

im just reminded what Stephie told me before,
"friends dont need to spend time together all the time,
but to think that there is someone you can turn to when you are in the darkest times."

God, not my will but your will.

2008-03-24T15:01:00.001+08:00

I decided not to blog for today.

mood: lousy.

2008-03-20T22:33:00.002+08:00

worldly world, do you miss me?
alright, im seriously just kidding soooo relax~
well, im quite into my art thesedays when i realised,
realised that juniors are doing better &faster than i am.
this year's N levelers are some serious people,
but for the O levelers, i have no comments.
hate to say that but its the facts.
today's school lessons is better since there is no english lessons,
oh people c'mon im just being practical.
well, art periods i managed to draw a few designs but none i like it!
Speaking the truth, i just started with drawing the fashion models.
i know my post are getting bored alr especially after my depression mode.
wait a min, can you people give me a hour before i continue my post?
Thanks for your understandings.
commericals for 20 mins......
now, its 11.30pm &im back from my bath!
im wondering why is the world filled with practical people?
let me define the world's view of practical:
practical is anything that can be done and is worth doing,
while practicable is anything that can be done - worthwhile or not.
my view of practical:
people are very "me" when they are practical;realistic
&of cause their days are very mundane.
what if the world start the word, "they"?
what if the world would think about a meaningful life
& not just realistic life?
i know people would say, "whatever, here she goes again."
so i shall not continue on what if but something else.
alright, have you all eaten you breakfast?
i know im getting so l-a-m-e!

God,I Love You!
bestfriends do not need only talks
but also assurance from each other.
simple talks do make a difference.

2008-03-19T16:45:00.003+08:00

well, her songs are nice but her life is not.
i missed school today &went for doc's appointment.
well, reports showed that im able to discharge but follow-up at polyclinic.
went to eat with my father in the morning
&had lunch with my father &bro.
it was pretty cool to spent time with them at times.
i guess i have taken both of them for granted at times.
i think today my father had spent quite a bomb on food for me,
sorry father.
i wonder what did the teachers do with the class today,
im bored at home &im rotting too.
ohh yahhhh, i decided to paint my series of wedding gown on canvas
so i hope it will be a success though i did not try before.
im so very tired now, yawnsss.
im wondering hows steph doing right now,
she must be super busy rushing for the drama.
alright i better go sleep for more energy for later American Idols.

God, what are you doing?

2008-03-18T17:05:00.004+08:00

well, managed to sketch Eva Longoria's wedding gown
&have my own design of a wedding gown.
school is fine today, nothing much i can about
but after school was much more cool.
went to eat at Iciban or whatever how it is spell.
the girls were extremely full by the time we were done.
all of a sudden, i cannot think of anything to say.
oh, i saw alex &peixuan today.blahblahblahblahhhhss.
am i going to experience what i experienced few months ago?
there is a sudden fear arise in my heart, this is what i call sensitive.
im wondering if i should do a four piece work for O's level art,
by the way im still lazing around without touching my arts.COOL!
or should i do my fashion designs on the canvas,
i hope i can take some inspirations from Vera Wang.
She is seriously a very successful designer.
My dreams, hopes, talents &success lies in my hands.

God, guide me.

2008-03-17T18:45:00.002+08:00

yep, i cut my hair!
well, of cause i knew friends will find it weird
but what is done is done.
Cellgroup meeting is not bad cause its prayer meeting.
i think sat's service is special,
pst Phil.Pringle is a very humourous man of God.
i guess God is a very humourous God too.
alright, the second most special thing i experience was,
to serve at dialect church &seeing the smiles of the elderly.
it was quite tough at first, starting from the way i dress
&pressing the lift for the elderly.
Until i became the toilet usher,
im able to help the elderly to go to the toilet.
thats where i found a purpose of serving this minstry.
you may find it weird but
when only you start from the lowest position then you will know.
it was more than just a ministry
but it is a commitment you choose to commit from your heart.
anyway, school is all good &"nice".
im addicted to Mika's songs,
its all Zul's fault!

God, You are cool!

2008-03-14T00:18:00.002+08:00

seriously i really hope i can do till that standard.
i can see my future is very bright,
im so very excited right.

2008-03-13T19:01:00.006+08:00

One minute of slience for Birdy.

i pronounced birdy dead at 4pm.
i guess birdy had difficulties with the weather

&loss of its mama.
wellwellwell, i seriously went for bio practical

&im so very regretted that i went.
teachers are just so very annoying
but whatever, cannot be bothered.
sooo decided not to go for bio practical tmr.
alright, after that stupid lessons i went to watch 10000 BC.
i think it is a movie worth paying 7.50 bucks.
shiveringshiveringshiveringshiveringshivering
raining days are just so pretty,
i wish everyday stay the same &never change.
maybe this is a period Sun decided to rest &allowing Rain to take over.
2 more days, she is leaving for Thailand.

she said i must super happy when she leave,
the fact is im seriously overjoyed!
alright, im off to play my simsssssssss.
i know im getting super boring.
nah, im not going green.

God, i love You.

2008-03-12T18:43:00.004+08:00

Proverbs 18:24;
"A man who has friends must himself be friendly,
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother."

out with bff today &seriously i learned so much things.

i learned love, appreciations, care, concern & friendships.

when a friendship without considering our own interests is just so special.

there is no need to express by words &i know im accepted,
there is no need of actions to know that im loved by God &bff.
so amazing that God wanted me to take 16 years to look for a angel,
indeed God is a very patient God.
anyway, we discovered a new place in singapore &it is kind of cool.

Suprisingly i decided to go for tuition when it was like raining so very heavily.
well, im still thinking whether if i should go for bio practical tmr.

sad to say, im still a secondary school student who loves freedoms.
revelations are just gushing in my brain, nonstop.
oh well, God why dont you just make everyday a rainy day?
its time to quicken my pace &catch up with the world
as im no longer that 14,15 years old teenagers.
life is just so short for me do everything i have or wish to do,
i know i sounded extreme old but its true.
blahhhhhhblahhhhhhblahhhhhhblahhhhhhssss.
Easter is coming &im excited for the drama.
Steph is in the production make me more excited.

God, thank You for the precious You have give to me.

2008-03-11T23:15:00.002+08:00

i hope our friendships will last forever.

"it takes time, patient, love, care&concern
to melt a person's heart whether friends or loves."
sometimes, i take forever to accept someone
but i can also take one day to accept one person.
however, most of the time i will take forever to accept people &yesh people.
one person asked me before,
"Are we counted as your goodfriends?"
my reply becomes very subjective &serious.
like what i said before, im afraid,
very afraid that the scar will not heal.
Many a time, friends will trust me very much
but still i just cannot make myself trust just as much as they do.
maybe im just stubborn, plain stubborn.
anyway, today is not that bored actually.
went to pool &walked around town.
Rained quite heavily &of cause wet
so not so suprisingly i had a very bad headache during the game.
i kept pretty quiet through out the game, sheeshhh.
im just wondering how to keep the happy atmosphere in the future hangouts.
i hate the sadist environment when everyone seems to be dying.
offensive so i better shudd upp &play the simssssss.
bye peopleeee &bloggerrrrr.

God, give me a heart of acceptance.

2008-03-11T09:20:00.002+08:00

i think this picture is kind of cool,
however, i do not know what im doing.
today will be a super boring day,
friends have their own activities
&bro has projects to do.
i guess i will have to study &get my homework done.
how bored is that?!
im just rolling my eyes thru &for,
listening to Mary J Blige's songs
&posting a boring post in blogger.
all of the sudden i miss school, class
&teachers; including irritating teachers.
blahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahblahsssss
i know im half-rotten in the early morning
&of cause im still rotting.

God, i called upon You.

2008-03-10T14:43:00.003+08:00

wellwellwell, im back from the outing with Yokepeng &Joanne.
their new haircuts are very pretty,
of cause they like it too.
town is getting bored for me, its very bored.
sometimes i hate holidays, there are alot of reasons to it.
alright, i decided to clear some misunderstandings
so i took the first step to add her into my msn.
since this is the last year in secondary school,
i want to make things right &see juniors smiling to me.
i think i rather going school greeting juniors,
than give them stares that will make them hate me.
im actually stucked on what to write further more....
being nice to people is always better to be the bad person,
i took so long to know that.alright, im kind of slow.
today is goodfriend's first year in church, applausesss.
im going to take this holiday to fulfill all my loss of sleep
&energy lost in school days.
maybe i shall try to play the sims again,
my brother asked me to play that too.
right, mama is going back to Thailand for one month
&she is leaving on the 15th so bye mama.
three cheers to that.Hurrayssss!
sadistsadistsadistsadistsadistsadistsadistsadistsadistsssss,
back to the simssssssss.

God, mould me.

2008-03-09T21:42:00.003+08:00

when my hair is longer, alright.
whatever, im totally bored right now
especially with the auntie &uncles at my house.
i guess it is just a personal thing when i do not like to talk to them,

growing up with their sarcastic critisms screwed me up.
how cool is that, their "encouragements" screwed part of my 16 years.
break that wall of my confidence, security &self-love,
however i know i have to love them all over again but it is going to be hard.

alright, im seriously boredboredbored.

friends are busy, so do the rest of the family.
if only i have God to accompany me at home,
have a heart to heart talk &walk by the heaven's garden.

anyway, i dont mind if i could go up to visit him,
that is not depressing but motivative to me.
alright, i hate to stress my braincells as i will get tired.
it seems that i have a problem that is,
when im do some headbreaking matters i will feel sleepy.
is that a way im trying to escape from matters in life?

maybe i just want to be selfish at times,
just God &i alone, seriously alone.
oh right, im having dreams that is weird however i cannot remember anyone of them.
coolness, im really lazy to talk to goodfriend on the phone.
i think goodfriend will be tired by then anyway, so better i will sleep first.

"dont worry about the people in your past,
theres a reason why they didnt make it to your future."

God, be with me always &forever.

2008-03-09T14:35:00.002+08:00

thank God for you.

thats my bff, she is cool.
now im saying goodbye to the style of emo-ness.
yep, i realised i gotta to be feminine

like what bff always trying to tell me.
i know im very mi-nah for now
but very soon, very soon i will be more womanly.
thats seriously a big news as this shows im getting older,
it is so sad that im no longer suitable for emo-ness.
ha~so amazing that im taking up a fashion sense that i have never touch before.
God blessed me!
i cannot wait for next cellgroup's outing.

should i organise a class outing?

God, thank you.

2008-03-09T00:15:00.003+08:00

"You helped me laugh, you dried my tears
because of you, I have no fears
together we live, together we grow
teaching each other what we must know
you came in my life, and I was blessed,
you are the best,
release my hand, and say good-bye please my friend don't you cry
I promise you this, it's not the end
'cause like I said you're my best friend."

im feeling good right now as i know,
i know that my goodfriends are there to support me.
having my bff to really reassure me with a hug is good enough,
reassure me that she is there for me.
i guess everyone sure do need some assurance.
i guess im not that strong girl as im seems,
being so insecure of so many things can be tired.
thank God that i have friends to fall on,
friends who care to make me smile.

God, You are my Love forever.

2008-03-07T20:24:00.003+08:00

well, i have nothing else to do so posting another post.
doing some reflections &i realise realised.
till today im still talking about friendships,
not afraid of talking about it anymore.

i guess many of the times im over-dependent on friends,
seriously &being such a sensitive person, its hard not to.
i can be a very insensitive or sensitive till you could not take it,
most of the time im very insensitive that friends start leaving me.
from the eariler post, you can see im more of the individualistic person.
however, this year's goodfriends &bff changed me,
a selfish person to a more considerate person i guess.
this is getting very contridicting, funny how much i have changed.
humans &their changes in livess...

2008-03-07T15:06:00.003+08:00

im just kinda bored.

i decided to stay at home than going out
as i could not think of anywhere to take pictures of.
well, yesterday was sports day &its quite screwed up.
however, at least i enjoyed myself quite abit
&went out with the girls.
walked around ,observed many people's style of fashion
&seriously there are many fashion victims.
well, prabha &i can only look at them and laughed.
it was seriously very hilarious.
Great!now even the dumb friendster is giving me problems.
whatever, friendster sucks at time.
i realised i have a weird character,
let talk about my character then.
i like to see couples especially Valentines' Day,
i love to go shopping alone,
i get along better with guys than girls,
i prefer to walk home alone too,
i like to stay at home the whole day,
however, i enjoyed going to church,
i really love to sit at mrt stations just to observe people.
weird?some friends sure to agree with that use of word.
anyway, im seriously hungry.
i propose to huyi but she rejected me, i was just kidding!

God, You are still the best.

2008-03-04T17:10:00.008+08:00

well, today i will not start with a photo of me,
cause you would have get bored with my face.
for your infor, it is called self-love &not self-obsession.
anyway, im dying my hair now.

well, i can say that the colour is extremely black

&i think its pretty sexy.
surfing the net &realised Jonas Brother have grown up.

wait a min, im going to wash my black dye away.
alright, now is 6.00pm
&finally done with my hair.
If you want compare it then,

well, for me i think its pretty cool colour
&i think its easier for me to dress up..."emoooemoooo"
i know but whatever as long i love it?
im wondering if drinking milk will help in my growth,
dont tell me i will not grow alright!?
anyway, i think Jumper is a nice movie,
especially Jamie Bell.
i think he is pretty charming,

he is cool isnt it, he is a british too.
wowwww, my post is filled with photos
&it looked like hideous but whatever.
bear with me friends, my mind is just running about.
im trying not to be very hype so yah.
"Hey mind, come back home!"

God, You're just amazing.

2008-03-03T15:30:00.003+08:00

blahhhssss

wellwellwell, start of the school &im getting so bored.
i know i promised i will work hard,
sadist i hate studying very much but i still have to.
alright, my stupid com is lagging
so hopefully it will not hang &die instantly.
i wondering what is Mr Mas Selamat doing when he is the most wanted man.
not that im afraid but my area is the red zone so yah,
pray hard my area will be soon go back to the green zone.
im so irritated by some people who is so....no comments,
i think God really have to protect me this time
&it is called HARRASSMENT.
ahhhhhhaahaha, im like having lots of fun luh.yeaaahhhhh! Calm down V!alright, im calming down.
i miss stephie, i wonder if she is doing alright now.
im thinking of learning drumss too, many during the june holidays.
JL said he will be teaching me for FREE,
opps sorry i sounded like so cheapo sobut whatever.
all of a sudden i felt quite excited for my birthday,
that is what i called randommnessss.
blahblahblahblah, i know the whole post sounded crazy
&seriously im now.
ii lurbb mye Godd berii munchh, lurb Euu berii munchh worxx.

God, You're my beautiful saviour.

2008-03-02T14:00:00.004+08:00

i hate twits, seriously.

Hello world!its sunday again &its all about family.
You're served is sure a good movie,
should i just change the way im dressing?
it is quite hard for me as im wondering between the norm of streets &emo-s.
should i get back to dancing &the passion for different type of arts?
i should, getting depressing is just not the way for my goals.
sheeshss, this is going to be hard man, real hard.
hall one is pretty cool, i think im getting used to hall 1.
it was strong &very impactful.
so im quite motivated, He told me to do more things for Him.
excited?for sure, im seriously excited for the future.
positve man, it is all about being positive.
so now, i should really get back to swimming training.
i want that super oopmh figure, blahblahblahblahblah.
for now, hopefully you will not see much of depressing posts eh.
studystudytudystudystustudystudystudystudystudy.
man, Celine Dion is sure the all time best singer.
one more thing, Steph is one best friend i ever had.
She teaches me, care &be there for me.
Thank God for a friend like her.

God, i will do it for Your will.

2008-02-29T23:28:00.003+08:00

bangss, you are dead.

well, i do miss my bangs but not cutting it anymore.
i realised bangss needs high maintence.
today is coollllll, cellgroup meeting is good.
it feels kind of good in such presence
&i have committed to a ministry.
family is very important, especially my father.
dont ask me what about my mama,
as highly chances that i will take your head to bang against the wall.
im quite excited about going to change hall once again,
i mean service location.i guess not many of you know what im talking.
im wondering why there are so many spammers nowadays
but none of them spam me.
well, i know im quite mentally insane but im wondering if that is pity.
maybe spammers are more interested in people,
that they are envious of &spam for the joy of it.
fine, im not cool in these humans' eyes!
oh man, im getting real crazy these days,
mind your own businesssss!
"Brown…Oh Billy Brown.
Don’t let the stars get you down.
Don’t let the waves let you drown.
Brown…Oh Billy Brown."
Mika is seriously a crazy man too.

God, You are beautiful.

2008-02-28T18:06:00.004+08:00

hungryhungryhungry!

want some milk?
well, im quite hungry so milk was the only solution.
home quite early nowadays, tiredtiredtired alright.
schoolschoolschool, the lessons are getting suckier.
i just pray to God that i will be concentrating for the sake of O's.
i just cannot wait to graduate &go to Lasalle,
it has more freedom at least.
Next week is spotcheck, i shall try dressing extreme nerdy.
Sheesh, i have to dye my fregging hair black again.
anyway, i kinda miss my fake black hair
but at the same time i will saying to goodbye to my brown hair.
the fact is that my present brown hair is my natural colour,
however people love asking, "you dyed you hair?".
i am wondering if im blogging for the sake of blogging, maybe.
seriously im getting irritated with my unbalance hair,
but im sure that i will not cut it.
oh yesh, i remember that actually im not suppose to be at home
as today is someone's birthday
but some people are quite busy with their stuffs
so i stayed at home, rotting...as if.
blahblahblahblahblahblahssss, some idiots are getting crazy nowaday.
maybe i should try to be grace kelly as mika said she look too sad.
alright, i think Mika 's song is not bad oh, i mean interesting....
"say love, say love, oh love's gonna get you down."
oh yah, he seems to love colours too, what a colourful life he have.
dad called, "girl, mum didnt cook so we will be eating out alright?"
well, my dad is always so concern about bro &me.
one person taking up two roles, one word: Thankful.

God, i love You more than yesterday.

2008-02-26T19:36:00.002+08:00

im still looking for beauitful dreamcatcher.
i hope i will find before my birthday.

that is kind of cool too, crowded with featherssss.

2008-02-26T18:59:00.004+08:00

gayness.

dont look at me but behind me.
well, my brother seems quite interested what im doing with the webcam.
i realised my hair is kind of thick &i lov'in it.
i bought a pair of green contacts, finding it weird on me.
anyway, today nothing much happened in school.
O's is just 7 months away &im not feeling urgent.
what is wrong with me?no ideal.
most probably, studies didn't try its best to attract me.
an orange a day, keep those pimples away, quite true to me.
this is just small note, if you happen to pass Mr jonah's blog,
wish him a advance happy birthday.im still keeping what i have said.
since i do not have nice birthdays from young so i better make both goodfriends'
memoriable.
i guess this week will be not bad, today was cool.
i just want more rainrainrainrainrainrainrain, *shiverssss*
i just pray for a better birthday this year.

God, i fall &You lift me up.

2008-02-25T20:01:00.003+08:00

im still aiming for some tech toys.

&seriously im going crazy about it.
i find PSP a tiny bit annoying so

i prefer nintendo DS lite.

of cause im still crazy about my D40X,

i need it like seriously.SHEESHH!

2008-02-25T15:05:00.002+08:00

smiles.

nah, im not a anorexia.
im like eatingeatingeating.
man, im getting fregging fatfatfat!
trainings backbackback!
well, i dont really think i will do so yah.
im getting sleep nowadays, maybe this is how upper sec's life.
teststeststeststests, irritating things i have to go through till im 20+?
this is crazy, im feeling mixed again.
i realised Colbie Caillat's songs are not bad.
home quite early, i think im like going to sleep soon.
anyway, some updates on my church stuffs.
Overnight prayer meetiing is cool &service was excellence,
the sermon was seriously a word of the season.
sometimes, i want to ask is it very hard to commit to some things?
there is always people who are more commited than the others
but there are also people with difficulties about committing.
putting yourself into someone's shoes is so important,
you do not really know what they are going through
but at least you tried, how amazing if everyone will do that.
im like having a world reflection but in my views.
people love to say who dont understand who
but the point was they didnt put themselves at each other's shoe.
you might say that it will be hard for you,
trying to please someone else?
but do you know that is also pleasing yourself.
many times, we argued &forget that point,
leaving each other in a 'stuck' situation.
i guess all these take time to realise, yesh time.
i remember that if i want to make things right,
i have to take the first step by keeping quiet.
Jonahnah's birthday is coming soon.lalalalalala~
yawnyawnyawnyawnyawnyawn...

God, give me a great week.
Thank You.

2008-02-21T16:20:00.006+08:00

well, it look kinda cool.

alright, today is not a ver good day for me.
my right thumb is injured &seriously torturous.
well, during PE lesson was doing high jump so yah,
the pole landed on my thumb and thigh.
you all should know what happened right, good.
but i enjoyed &it was a fun lesson anyway
so quite worth it.
Jisiang was joking for the whole lesson
so it is more interesting than ever.
sometimes i believe that our class is so united
due to the unexplained loved friendship we had for the 2-3 years.
alright, i know it is getting abit mushy.
oh man, i do not know what am i talking tooo, fjsdhfsdanvljkhsldf...
wellwellwell, my thumb is hurting again
&im so very hungry.
i guess im gonna go to eat some food.
one more thing, facebookis kinda fun with the quizzes
&stuffs.
im wondering how am i going to pay for the polariod cam
&if i want t buy a white mouse for my birthday.

God, You are the best.

2008-02-20T17:20:00.005+08:00

im standing alone.

well, you can ignore yesterday's post,

it was completely dramatically emolistic.

anyway, today was great &exciting.

chemistry's practical is interesting

but not the theory wise.

went to Queenways to look around

&nothing caught my eyes, boredness.

everyday you are either spend time smiling or crying,

why not spend your day smiling.

i remember what my manager told me,

she said if anyone dont cherish you, throw them behind you

&tell yourself you dont need them at all to move on.

sometimes i do not know why im feeling so blue when there is nothing bad happening,

i do not know how or why.

however, i guess im alright, really alright,

not really depressed anymore.

for now i do not know what to say anymore.

smilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilesmilemsmilesmiles, friends.

God, You're just one cool God.

2008-02-19T22:41:00.005+08:00

im disappointed as i took you as,
a good friend.

disappointed?yesh i am but what can i say,
nothing much i can say.
i will assume that i know the explanations &yah.
well, i guess im just so demanding, unreasonable &always asking so much from people i trust .
anyway, thanks for the people who came for the dinner.
i think i better jolly well shudd up.
before that, chinese students went to Mdm tan's house.
the house is quite pretty &classmates enjoyed.
if there is two things i appreciate most in life is God &classmates.
curious why are these two?
well, firstly God first love me and never fail me.
For classmates, they are people who make me smile from the bottom of my heart
&they are people im able to fully trust.
it is so hard for me to put down,
people that are around me presently as it is not easy
&im sorry.
i guess is like what steph said,
sometimes it is subjective when it comes to that particular subject.
i thought it will be easier
but it was more difficult than what i had expected.
asking myself again if this is really how i feel,
the answer was a yes.
if sorry is a word i usually use, i mean it.

God, give me peace &hope
that i may have rest.

Steamboat

2008-02-18T18:19:00.005+08:00

i cherish them more than ever.

these girls are cool alright,

im quite bothered by what was happening just now,

but whatever i cannot be bothered.

i know im contridicting.

if anyone is going to play a stupid joke on me,

so be it &i will not be affected by it.

anyway, today had chem test

&seriously i dont feel good about it.

dont think i will score.

well, tmr will be bio test &next monday will be Geo.

there is still no urgency in me, weird?

nah, it is a very normal thing for me actually,

i realised im used to last minute studies &it do work for me.

but of course not O's man, that is totally different.

i guess im getting to take for granted many things,

my life, my achievements &family...etc.

take my family for example,

when i look at myself still able to communicate to all of family members,

i find out that my family is not that bad comparing to many of my friends.

i guess im just finding faults with my family,

not taking them seriously &cherish them.

remembered that i said sorry to a friend when i do not know why too,

maybe im just at fault &i do not know about it.

it take one step for God to take 1000 steps to you,

same goes to many relationships.

whether is BGR, friendship, kinships or even strangers.

this insecurity i have is actually something i made up,

so many things i have to face is because i did not take control of myself

in the environment i live in

&naturally i allowed it to affect me physcially &mentally.

sometimes is good that i can reflect on my life

but at times it can be bad too.

forshortening is seen in many teenagers lifes

&i admit im one of them.

friend, i know what is like to go thru this.

Cheer up maybe is the only way can help you thru.

God, guide this friend of mine.

&also i give my thanks only to You.

2008-02-15T13:37:00.005+08:00

im happy &contented.

well, today i skipped school
as what i had said i have to do alot of catch up at home.
however, today was quite a "good" start.
i was washing my clothes when the washing machine decided to pee on the kitchen floor,
yesh, it pee on the floor &flooded the whole kitchen.
suprising enough, my mama helped me with the cleaning
&fast enough for the floor to dry up.
goodfriend is sick today, wonder how is the fellow doing.
goodfriend, better take care of yourself if you are reading this.
sometimes is good to stay at home one or two days,
but not the whole week man.
for me, most likely to die from emo-ness.
Only friends &church can make my days.
my mood now is quite calm.
i just miss going to school to have fun.
lalalalalalala, nothing much to post for now.
im so gonna kill Jisiang causing me to sleep so late
in the morning!

i dont care much about what you think anymore.
God, i know You are good.

2008-02-15T00:23:00.004+08:00

they are the love.

im feeling much better these days
&well, with these classmates i have
getting happy will never be a problem.
especially the jokers in class:you all should know who are your.
i think sad is never in their dictionary
so they are the happy people in class.
the SDC trip turned out better than i expected,
Mrs yang &5N3 seriously make my day.
Having a great relationship with class &form teacher are important,
very important actually.
well, i think my secondary years will end quite prettily.
the SDC trip seriously is one of the best days i had in 2008.
&cgm is not bad too, celebrated valentine together which is nice.
i guess the next few posts will be quite happy posts so yah.
For now, no depressing mood or posts in my blog.
WONG JISIANG, i will be uploading the pictures by tonight.

thank God, i will love my days.

2008-02-13T21:29:00.003+08:00

this is the best Umbrella i ever heard,
thanks to JIS.woahhhh~

smiles

2008-02-13T18:20:00.002+08:00

i guess im aint a sweetsweet girl.

Was looking through deviantart
&well, i think this girl is quite cool soooo...
uploaded her picture.
i think her hair is nice so yah.
i guess keeping long hair is never me,
when i have longer hair on my left side.
i will cut like her hairstyle.
yeah, i know im a copycat.whatever!
i guess today aint no depressing post
as im feeling gayhappygleeful.
im wondering if there will be moon &stars tmr.
im pretty excited about going to SDC tmr,
going a date with the whole class plus Mrs Joan Yang.
&cgmeeting later on which is steamboat again.
overall, today is a good day for me!
woahhhhh, i guess my mood is flying high soon!
God,You rocks.

God , You are valuable to me!
p.s:I love You.

many times, im not proud of myself.

2008-02-12T22:08:00.000+08:00

i will never regret doing that.

feeling not here nor there,
do not know what is wrong with me
but i dont really care anyway.
im sleepy, tired & feeling lousy,
but at least i know i have been loving my schoolmates.
sometimes, when i think of my classmates &goodfriends
how much they loved me.
it is good enough for part of me
but another part of me still feeling wrong.
i knew the problem lies in my mind.
im always thinking so much, too much.
seriously im not feeling good now.
looking at my friend's scar hand,
remind me of my past, a sadistic past.
Letting go of my past was never one of my strength, never.
God, be with me right now.
someone, anyone just tell me i will be alright.

God, Let You be my strength
&peace.
I love You.

broken

2008-02-11T17:17:00.000+08:00

this time, love broke my heart
&shattered it on the floor for sure.

today is not the good start of the week,
mood is terrible &unstable.
how amazing, i know it myself.
telling myself, i must smile when i stepped into school
&i did but so unwillingly.
well, i slept in class for the most of the lessons
&this is what happened when im unstable.
that was just only the start,
later i started to bang into a few people in school
&next i forgotten to give the class keys back
which made me go back to school after im home.
but my class was always there to cheer me up.
Thank God for people like angels.
seriously , i just want God's one hug
&i will be alright.
i cannot deny that im not emotionally drained.
i just have to tell myself,
"move on!"

God ,i will still give all my praises to you.

tears

2008-02-10T20:46:00.000+08:00

finally goodfriend is back from malaysia.

i pray to God,
guide me through everything in life.
God, piece my imperfection up.
For You love me like no one else.

Beautiful

2008-02-10T16:15:00.000+08:00

it is forever or never.

finally i get this album,
the songs are very nice.
well, service was great &very loved.
actually the service gave me more reasons,
reasons to design wedding gowns &maybe night gowns.
Seeing marrying couples so loving makes me happy ,more than just happy.
friends can call me silly, however i love seeing very loving couples.
anyway, was talking about substaining friendships.
it is such a sensitive topic that i didnt wanted to mention it anymore
but i realised i had to face it.
sometimes we did something wrong but we never realise,
we had hurt our friend
&the problem is we do not know where we go wrong.
it started with a small problem but it became big without knowing
&it takes time to rebuild this trust we have once before.
it is easy to forgive but never easy to forget.
what if one day i go to visit Heaven?
i guess it will be very beautiful.
sometimes the reality is so ugly
that i could not take it.
suddenly, im not feeling very good.
sheesh, i need some happy pills.

God, bring me to Heaven.

i decided to let go

2008-02-09T22:09:00.000+08:00

im free now.

yesh, i decided to let go.
i can go further than where im now if i let go.
i was having some headwork in the afternoon,
whether to let go or not &yesh im letting go.
maybe i really have to fully concentrate on my walk with God.
telling myself that i have to do so many things for the next few years,
i managed to convince myself to let go.
i guess only one person know what im letting go.
Speaking truthfully, it is hard.
i feel much more free,
however there are more things i have to let go.
my mind just denying or not recoginsing what are the problems.
horrible ,sheesh i think my mind is just stubborn organ.
well, goodfriend is not back yet.
Jonah missed him like crazy luh.
somemore so emo this morning.
for your info, they are gay-partners.
oh no, im going to get kill by them tomorrow.
the reality is seriously suck to the core.
Understanding different type of human is specially hard.

Thank God, for the wisdom.

Happy Cheena New Year.

2008-02-09T01:03:00.000+08:00

my dream, my vision.

well, CNY is always the same
however this year is different.
mindset changes &perspective changes.
i realised i dont really like to talk in front of relatives,
maybe because i dont feel a closeness there
&most probably i decided to draw myself out from there.
Spending time thinking why im not close with them
&conclusion is that i decided to draw away from them.
unable to communicate with them is first thing,
second is i do not know them well
&thirdly we only see each others once a year.
seriously,i think i have difficulties communitcating with humans.
yesh, human beings as most of them seems to hate me.
depressingdepressingdepressingdepressing.
im just wondering how do i feel like now
but still im quite confused.
im not bored nor im happy either im sad,
ahhh whatever cann be bother.
im still having a problem with handling my feelings,
it must be cause by the numbness i went through 1-2years ago.
no cure, no solution so be it.
what a stupid post again!

God, i pray to You in heaven.

finding faults

2008-02-06T21:45:00.000+08:00

who is she behind this smile?

im trying not write anything stupid,
trying so hard that i lost my speech of freedom.
yesh, for the sake of people i loved.
so much so i wanted to face the problem ,
i have no guts but to keep quiet.
hoping that the problem will go away as time passed.
i see my trust for people fading away,
especially people knew me well but judged me.
yes, suddenly i felt i had disconnected from the world.
looking at how people judge me, i laughed at myself.
why are there so many juniors that hated me?
yah, you will find it weird too right
but personally i do not know too.
"she is disgusting luh.",
"she is super act luh, think who is she."
it is very common thing i heard from those people.
what comes around goes around?maybe.
trying to stay as positive as possible
but i failed, i failed.
there is no mood of chinese new year at all.
im just going with the flow, super sucky.
thinking what i had done i 2007,
i had killed souls that were saved
&im still blaming myself causing such a stir in reality.
God forgive me, i know You will
but not myself.

God, i will give all my praises to You.

Its within me

2008-02-05T20:24:00.000+08:00

Happy birthday boys!

it was these two boys' birthday today.

its pretty cool to have a teacher that cares about your birthday,

although not very excited about my birthday, seriously.

the past few experiences wasnt not pleasent at all.

anyway, had botah jones this afternoon &super fulling.

i know im going to gain some weights

so im trying very hard to resist some food during CNY.

sad to say that, goodfriend is not in Singapore,

no one to talk to today till thurs.

getting so emotionally-tired these days, yes me.

most probably because,

im still living in self-denial that im fine with all the judgements.

so much so i wanted to speak up, i decided to keep quiet.

im not flared up instead im very calm with it

or maybe im really testing how big can my heart can take in.

"speak up ,you may feel better.",

"no, you must know not to affect anyone."

which voice i should listen to?

i do not know, im denying how im feeling

&trying to put up a smile.

i just miss when i was two,

wonderful family, innocent mindset

&contenting birthday parties.

it is so hard when you want,

to be someone who is not affected by the world

&the environment that im staying.

God, explain to me.

please oh God!

you know who am i?

2008-02-04T22:37:00.000+08:00

I AM AFFECTED SERIOUSLY!
yesh i am.
but im keeping very quiet about it.
it was hard for me to accept it
but i had too cause you think so.
"shhhs, you are good enough.",
"man! you are such a disappointment."
yesh, im listening to two voices in my head.
trying so hard to listen to the first voice
but the second is alarming me, so be it.
firstly, im not ready.
secondly, im contented.
there are so many things for me to think
but i told myself to stop as i can no longer take it.
people says im a happy girl, some says im emo
and some says im a slut.
to me, i dont know which is me.

God, i pray to You that
You will uphold me up
with Your right hand.

shorts

2008-01-30T19:59:00.001+08:00

IM TIRED!
seriously!update soon.

thank God for a fullest life.

shhs, im thinking hard.

2008-01-28T22:22:00.000+08:00

hello, world!

you got the whole world in your hands~
well, you can see that im quite happy today.
yes,cause i went out with phiephie.
she taught me so many things &yes God was in our conversation.
nothing else i can share much with you as the rest, its personal.
other then pranking Mr Seow, i thought about my Lasalle stuffs.
firstly, im not rich so yah im working hard towards my dreams.
stop thinking that only rich people can get in to arts school.
im missing a young boy who named Eddie.
yes, he was a very nice boy &brother to me.
many times i will question myself, am i a good sister?
its alright, i will have to let go sometimes.
im seriously afraid, very afraid of the word: trust.
i realised so many things aint always the way we think.

God, listen to my prayers.
teach me &guide me.

Thank God.

2008-01-27T19:28:00.000+08:00

trust thats need rebuild, takes time.

how beautiful is this scene?
yes, sometimes i feel very alone especially
valentines is around the corner.
however, when i see the couples are so loving.
no longer i feel alone, the overwhelming of love filled me.
thinking positive do help most of the time,
who knows maybe in the future i will have the best valentine i ever have.
i realised there is so much things to do &learn before i get attached.
thank God for friends, i managed to face what im going though.
im so affected by these criticism because people who said that
are friends that i cherish much in school.
it took so long for me to understand why im so affected by the criticism.
its okay, life still moves on &God is always there.
this week is the toughest week but i have learned so much.
today's prayer meeting is great but i find myself kind of weird.
today im not very myself where im blunt with my words,
man!i really got to be aware of not hurting people around me.
blahblahblahblahblah..my life is getting real busy nowadays.
well, today i make a new friend named Jonah Seow.
hahahaha, he is a emo guy &yes he is.
i shall end my blahs here.
toddles;*bimbotically+winks*
im just random.

God, thank You.
i give all my praises to you, only you.

confidence

2008-01-24T16:45:00.000+08:00

is this week, a bad week for most people?

yes, thats my N level art piece.
i realised im not that confident in anyway.
well, i broke down yesterday as,
classmates started telling me stop drawing after seeing a guy's drawing.
my confident went downdowndown for arts.
if you want to ask me why im this, dont bother.
personally, i do not know why i broke down.
maybe i dont like people comparing me with someone.
or maybe i dont like people saying me lousy in something i love to do.
this week is not one of them i enjoy.
like artist jackson pollock ,i start to doubt my talent for arts.
my bill exploded again &seriously i hate it when dad start nagging.
whatever, mood seriously suck today.
im wondering if im going back to old habit, i think i am.
God, re-affirm me You there with me.
im getting to get so tensed up again with school stuffs,
seeing the O levelers taking results im stress &yes its called stress.
this feeling sucks &make me fear for sure.
God, listen to my prayers &help me through it.

i got it from my ~~mama~~,
i got it from my ~~mama~~.

understandings

2008-01-21T15:24:00.000+08:00

did you even know,
where you go wrong?

well, thats long since i blogged.
anyway, i realised so many things
i have yet to learn from Him.
one of the most important thing i ever learn was,
its not only i, me or myself.
not even you, you or yourself only.
there are so much just about yourself but other people around you.
being invisible emotionally is the way i changing toward,
so many times i've experienced people spoiling my mood
or i, spoiling people mood.
friends, did you ask yourself before if you spoil people's mood before?
do you or your friends feel good about?
changing the perspective of your thinking is also very important.
your thinking will effect your actions too.
now i know why meitong always want us to be invisible.
friends, do you realise you are always saying "i feel, i want ,i dont like &more i"?
yes, it was hard to do that when you grow in a selfish environment.
but i can tell you i can change so do you.
i remember telling steph that i dont like friends who spoil my mood,
especially when im in a very gay mood.
but she say if you still call them as friends, you will have to accept them.
i just say, sometimes there is a certain limit even a friend only can tolerate.
from this conversation, you should know im not someone you know easy.
at times, i just want to shout.
however, there are so many to shout about.
im just thankful for God, steph, cg &classmates.
what if one day i decided to MIA?

God, i love You &thank You.

the promises in 2008

2008-01-15T20:15:00.000+08:00

fading is never in my dictionary.

should i say hello for this post?
im still thinking, stupid.
well, i think i really have difficulties talking to her.
yes, she is my mum.
it was monday when i decided,
to only take care of my dad for the rest of my life.
she had never show me a example of mother,
so i admit i had never respect her since i was 15.
i tried to love her but she rejected by actions.
sorry God, forgive me not honoring her.
she has been my sensitive topic in my life,
i have finally decided to let it go this depressing topic.
she was the block pulling me down,
she was the one that spoils the mood of my life.
God, i have forgive &finally let go.
so many things i can mention in this post but i choose this.
she will be my topic for arts, O level.
relating people is relating your own life first.
for your infor, im doing well in school.
classmates are cool &i have learn to listen to people.
thanks to James lin, i know what is reality.
thanks to steph show me what is maturity.
these two are actually what i need to know the most.
so much so that i can handle critisms &problems in my lfe.
i realised my birthday is coming.
i hate last year's birthday, it seems im dea but whatever.
jus hope this year will be better.

meeting bff tmr,
$100 bucks for spending.
God, bless this week a good want.

when everything back to basic

2008-01-12T23:04:00.000+08:00

didnt expected much from you.

yup, job have ended
&it focusing on my studies time..
pretty tired these days till i drop dead sick.
headaches &cramps in the head, they suck indeed.
didnt attend cellgroup, feels weird so went to make-up cell today.
kinda like the make-up cell cause its a interesting one.
anyway, went for service &had a great word from ps tan.
thinking of ways i can get any skinnier, yes im still thinking.
well, do you want to know my title's meaning?
i realised a friend thats always beside me for 4years,
becomes a closefriend of mine.
i took so long to realise that when something is nearer,
it will take a longer time to realise &value it.
certain things you need time to observe &think though it.
many things have to give up because,
its the part &parcel in life.
closefriend can only have one.
goodfriend can only have one,
friends can have many.
when you really know me,
then you know what i thinking.
thinking though my goals, i think i can share some.
1a)fulfill A&B. b)get in to DM in church by end of 2008
2)rise up in cellgroup.
3)get As &Bs for O level
4)have stable friendships with close &goodfriends.
5)lose 5 kgs.
yes, im fat &i know that.
atm card is conifiscated
&im not bothered by it, strange-.-

God, what are you doing?
im wondering what else You want me to do.
smiles.

Attention!

2008-01-04T19:48:00.000+08:00

dotsss.giraffegiraffgiraffe!

well, my freaking nose is killing me but whatever.
my week was great &of cause school reopened!
most of the new teachers i get are greatgreatgreat!
thank God for that.
work is also good so smooth life for the time-being.
went shopping with stephie a few days ago
&i discovered that steph can really walkwalkwalkwalk.
i miss cellgroup &church very much.
schedule for this month is packed, tiring month again.
work will end on 10 jan, i will miss my job, colleagues at there &my manager.
there are so much things to fulfill &buybuyshopshop.
i think this month's pay is still not enough for me.
whatever, i must really focus on my Os this year.
back to myself, i realised i need lotsa of attention from people i love.
didnt realise im so demanding,
yes, im demanding but i learn to change.
i will never regret giving up any friendships that i gave up anymore.
anyway, i decided to go back to swimming training
cause i dont want to be fat again!
tmr is service again!what to wear?hmmmm...
i wanted to wite something but i had forgotten, forget it.
im wondering what is my goodfriend &phiephie doing now?
see everyone soon!

God, thankyou.

HELLO SG!

2007-12-25T23:24:00.000+08:00

i looked in the mirror.

thanks to peiying, the present is very pretty.

well, yesteray was a good gathering with my seniors, it was long since i saw them.

celebrated christmas with them is very intereting.

didnt like crowds so didnt went to countdown.

i can be anti-social at times, i dont like strangers anyway.

today, at home resting due to the cough im having.

so i slept for like 6 hours more after i wokeup in the morning,

i guess im not going to sleep till early in the morning.

COUGHCOUGHCOUGHCOUGH!i hate it, its so irritating at times.

however im like making it worst by eating more heaty stuffs.

service is not so much special nowadays, i still miss the strong presence of God.

More friends are coming to cellgroup which make my day even brighter.

however, im still left confused with feelings about friendships.

feeling like a little girl who has two mothers...

alot of self-denial im facing now, my mum &friendships...

however, i will always remember what my manager said to me,

"in life, people may abandon you but remember to be strong.

only you know yourself best."

im just a confused kid, vann.

God, only You make me feel loved.

thank You, i love You.

LOLS!

2007-12-25T00:58:00.000+08:00

IM TIRED so...
I BLOGGED AT 12.58am

Dad's love

2007-12-21T09:33:00.001+08:00

Abba, i prayed that You help me.

to my suprise, i broke down at work.
yes, i was sick but i realised it was not the cause.
it was actually my manager who is showing concern to me more than anyone
&yes more than anyone.
she did things which is beyond her post.
she is so willing to step into my life even she is not saved.
the love she has is so great, so great.
she is trying so hard to untied my knot in my heart.
she told me to open my heart to stranger which its hard for me.
if i have problems telling my friends about my family,
whats more for stranger.
she asked me to talk to my dad, should i?
Thank God for such a good manager.
she asked me a question that i have no question for,
"when you had problems who do you go to?"
i realised i really have problem communicating with people.
now i only my dad who can help me with this shadow.
i hate tears flowing down just for my family.
there is so much in those eyes i have, yet my manager saw it all.

everyday i prayed that everything will be alright.

im back!

2007-12-18T23:10:00.001+08:00

i miss that girl,
i miss that silly giraffe too.

hello!back from camp was just workworkwork.
sorry people, did you miss me?jut kidding.
today had fever &serious headaches so back home early.
overwork &didnt had enough sleep.
whatever right, trying to tell mysef im strong.
indeed im aint no superwoman.
been thinking friendships i had, i decided to let go certain friendships i had.
i feel many make efforts but mostly i didnt put in efforts.
but now, i have a BFF who name stephie.
i realised she has very big heart, why?
she always has a attitude which is so special.
you have to know her personally then you know what im talking.
im seriously enjoy talking to her &she is real special:)
thank God for people like angels place in my life.
yes, im promoted but average results.
however im thankful to get the same classmates.
i must get top for next year &get into lasalle!
now i know whats the meaning of "it take two hands to clap".
i make many mistakes but He taught me how to handle.
i get A1 for art which totally make me happy!
Arts is my life, it wil always be.
im excited for next year's art topics.
meeting nasia tmr, miss her much.
update soon, see you all.

i love You, God.
thank You.

yes, uglyuglyugly!

2007-12-06T21:36:00.000+08:00

i think im anorexia.

what is wrong with me?
i do not freaking know.
yes, im feeling im so not pretty &yes, fat!
alright, shut up vanessa koh!
JUST SHUT UP!
well, i was quite glad to see Nasia a few times this week.
this girl is of cause getting prettier &prettier.
working was totally tired but fun.
yeah, im transfered to taka for the time-being.
taka's gossipgossipgossipgossipgossipgossipgossipgossipsss!
super childishness they have.
right, went back to M &business went quite smoothly.
nothing much anymore, crapcrapcrapcrap.
im super fed up with myself, stupid ugly girl.

God, forgive me being anorexia.